A lifetime of expectations
In India, the phrase “good girl” is often more than just a compliment, it is an unwritten rule, a societal script that millions of women are expected to follow. From the moment a girl is born, she is taught to be obedient, respectful and self-sacrificing. She is reminded to speak softly, dress modestly, and prioritize her family’s honor over her own desires. These expectations, ingrained through culture, family and education, create an invisible cage where personal choices become secondary to societal approval.
The burden of being a “good girl” manifests in several aspects of life like education, career, marriage and eve basic freedoms. While progress has been made in empowering women, the struggle remains deeply embedded in traditional norms that resist change.
Education and Career: The Double Bind
Despite increasing female literacy rates and access to higher education, the “good girl” narrative persists in academic and professional settings. Girls are encouraged to excel in school but are also subtly reminded that their ultimate role is to be a supportive daughter, wife, and often met with conditions like pursue a respectable job, don’t let it interfere with family responsibilities, be independent, but not too independent.
For many young women, the pressure of balancing career aspirations with societal expectations can be overwhelming. A woman who prioritizes her job over family obligations may be labeled as “selfish” or “too ambitious”, whereas a man in the same position is praised for his dedication. These double standards forces many women to compromise, often choosing career paths that offer flexibility over ambition and stability over success.
Marriage and “The Ultimate test of Goodness”
Marriage is perhaps the ultimate test of whether a woman is a “good girl” in Indian society. No matter how educated or accomplished she is, her worth is often measured by her ability to full traditional roles like an obedient daughter-in-law, a devoted wife and a nurturing mother. The pressure to marry at the “right” age and to the “right” kind of man looms over women as they enter their twenties.
Even in love marriages, women often bear the greater responsibility of adjusting to their new families. The expectation that they should be the primary caregivers, even while working full-time jobs, creates an exhausting dual burden. If a woman chooses to remain unmarried or delay marriage, she is frequently met with skepticism, concern, or even social ostracization.
The cost of Rebellion:
Women who defy these expectations often face severe consequences, ranging from emotional manipulation to outright violence. Families may impose restrictions, withdraw financial support, or subject them to guilt and emotional blackmail. Society, too, plays a role in enforcing these pressures, through judgmental neighbors, conservative workplaces, and even mainstream media that glorifies the “ideal” Indian woman as one who endures sacrifice silently.
The burden extends beyond individual choices-it affects mental health, personal growth and even safety. The fear of being judged or disowned forces many women to suppress their desires and conform, leading to anxiety, depression and a loss of self-identity.
Breaking force: a long road ahead
Change is happening, but slowly. Women across India are increasingly challenging these stereotypes by pursuing careers which were meant only for women, delaying marriage, or rejecting the idea that their worth is tied to societal approval. However, the deep-rooted natures of these expectations means that breaking free is never easy. It requires support from families, policy changes that promotes gender equality, and a shift in collective thinking that allows women to define their own lives.
Being a “good girl” in India should not come at the cost of personal freedom. A woman should not have to choose between societal acceptance and her own happiness. Its time to redefine what it means to be “good”, not as someone who conforms, but as someone who is true to herself.
Dhanya Reddy S
Alma Media School Student
